Jen’s Story

I’m Jen. I’m the co-founder of It Takes a Herd. I grew up in South Jersey and chose to stay here to raise our children. My husband and I met at the end of our senior year of high school. We were married on our tenth anniversary. I am a special education teacher and love my job and my students. I love reading, jigsaw puzzles, escape rooms, and board game nights with my sister. We have an angel baby Ella Rose, who would be 2 years old, and 2 rainbow twins, Oliver and Olivia, who just turned 2 months old. I am infertile. 

According to the Oxford dictionary, infertility is the inability to conceive a child. To me, infertility is when a couple struggles to start a family and it puts a strain on their marriage. It’s heartache, frustration, blood tests, pokes and prods, doctor appointments, semen analysis, internal ultrasounds, many negative pregnancy tests, fertility meds, needles, and so much more. I never thought I would be the 1 in 8.

In October 2015, we began our journey trying to start our family. We knew we might have issues trying to conceive (TTC) because Chris had leukemia when he was a child. It was always a thought that it may not be easy. After a year of tracking and having timed intercourse, we decided to reach out for help to a reproductive endocrinologist. Chris’s hematologist recommended the Delaware Valley Institute of Fertility and Genetics. This clinic became a part of our lives for many years to come.

At our first appointment, in February 2017, we had a consultation that consisted of questions about our medical, personal and reproductive lives. He explained what tests would be done to try and determine what is going on and why we are having trouble conceiving. After the first round of tests, it came back that I had PCOS and would have to see a dietician. Once I got some levels to where the doctor wanted them, we could start our treatment. It turns out that Chris was fertile and had no issues. We just had to get my body ready to carry a baby.

Finally, in August 2017, we were ready to start the process of intrauterine insemination (IUI). Insurance companies like a couple to undergo six IUIs before they will even think of covering In vitro fertilization (IVF). IUIs do work, but most of the time it takes many tries. We were on our sixth time after five failed attempts. We didn’t have any hope and were ready to just start IVF. In February 2018, I got my first positive pregnancy test, finally. This pregnancy was a roller coaster ride. My levels weren’t rising properly, so they thought I was miscarrying, then they skyrocketed, so they wanted to have an ultrasound done to see if there was a sac. It turned out there was a sac with a yolk. I was pregnant. We saw the baby’s heartbeat together and thought we finally will have our baby. I went to the next heartbeat ultrasound by myself at 9 weeks 3 days. I heard the worst four words you never want to hear: “There is no heartbeat.” We opted for a D&C so we could get the baby tested and see what may have gone wrong. We found out the baby was a boy, there was nothing wrong with him, and simply just didn’t work out.

After a couple of months of figuring out what the next step would be and how to proceed, we started the IVF process in June. On Father’s Day 2018, we had our retrieval set. They retrieved 11 eggs. Nine of those eggs were fertilized and out of those seven were viable and able to be used. We did our first transfer on June 22, got pregnant, and sadly miscarried 2 days later. This happened 2 more times. We had a consultation with the doctor again to discuss what was going on. With four embryos left, he thought maybe my body was rejecting the media they used to freeze the embryos. We decided to try one more time with these embryos, put two in, and wait an extra week before we did the BETA test. We already decided to donate the last two embryos to science and have another retrieval done, if necessary. On November 30, 2018, we found out we were pregnant again. This pregnancy was going well and we had no concerns. I developed preeclampsia at 20 weeks 6 days. I stayed in the hospital for 17 days and then was told our daughter stopped growing and my body was shutting down. I had to deliver her and at 22 weeks 6 days our daughter, Ella Rose, was born on April 5, 2019. This was the worst day of my life. One that I relive every single day and I will do so until the day I die. 

We weren’t sure what our next step would be. I was told that I could not carry a child. It wasn’t safe for me. So we had to look into other ways to have our earthside children. We were lucky enough to find an amazing surrogate who carried our twins. Oliver Joseph and Olivia Rose were born on February 16, 2021. We are lucky to have two healthy babies who are loved more than they can ever imagine. They are our pride and joy. 

I underwent 5 IUI’s, 4 IVFs, 3 glucose tests, 124 blood draws, 55 internal ultrasounds, 4 ultrasounds, 29 doppler readings, and 237 self-administered shots. It took 4 years and 1 day from our very first appointment to have our twins. It may not have been how we planned it, but it is our story. If this wasn’t our story, It Takes a Herd, wouldn’t be here. 

Infertility is a part of reality. It affects 1 in 8 couples and turns their lives upside down. My advice is to find your herd. Find those people you trust and can confide in. It’s a lonely world if you don’t. People can’t tell you which journey to take. That has to be between you and your partner. They can be there for you though, through your ups and your downs. Chris and I know that we wouldn’t have survived this journey if it wasn’t for the people we confided in. When we were down, they helped send those positive vibes and took every step with us. We may not have the family I had planned many years ago as a little girl, but we have a family. Every story is unique, this one is ours and I am proud of it.