Michelle’s Story

My name is Michelle. I have spent the majority of my life in South Jersey, just across the Delaware River from Philadelphia. I married my high school sweetheart. I am a school-based occupational therapist, working at a private school for children with disabilities. I have two daughters, ages 11 and 9, and you will usually find me at the dance studio or cheering on the deck at a swim meet. I love a good book and trying out the best new restaurants in the city. And I am infertile.

At 24 years old, my husband and I found ourselves as patients at Abington Reproductive Medicine. After weeks of testing, so much poking and prodding, he was diagnosed with male infertility factor, and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). We were told we were never going to have children on our own. We were told that if we did not undergo treatment now, we would never have our own children, period. The timing was all wrong. I was in the middle of graduate school. My husband was working tirelessly, trying to start his career. We both always wanted to be parents, and so we made the timing work. We put all our hopes and dreams into the hands of a team of doctors and science, and in the end, we had to undergo one of the most invasive infertility procedures, IVF, to have our girls. It was physically and emotionally painful and financially draining. We went for a consultation to see if we could have a third child and the doctors informed us, at the age of 28, our biological clocks had struck midnight. Game over. A chapter in our lives was officially closed. We were the lucky ones. Lucky we had been high school sweethearts, married early, and knew that we wanted to be parents. We had beat the clock by the skin of our teeth.

When you go through infertility, waiting rooms are both somber and full of hope. I knew I wanted to help someone else not have to hear the words, “you’ll never have your own children.” This led me to surrogacy. My ovaries were “textbook” horrible – a circus sideshow where it was guaranteed that the doctor would either let out an audible gasp or call in their intern for a look. However, my uterus was just fine. My pregnancies were uncomplicated, and because PCOS leaves me in a state of hormonal ups and downs constantly, being pregnant is actually a breath of fresh air. A time when my body actually knows what it’s supposed to be doing. I am honored to have been a gestational carrier twice. I carried and gave birth to a baby girl who will turn 4 years old in June and then to twins this past February.

Infertility is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Plans thrown out the window. Hopes and dreams crushed. Everyone’s story is incredibly unique. Even though I am on “Team Infertile” I can’t tell you what direction to take, how to feel, or what to do next. But know that whatever you choose or however you feel is right.

Find your person or your people. Tell them what you need. “I need to vent.” “I need your shoulder to cry on.” “I need you to stab me with this progesterone shot because I can’t see what is bruised or what isn’t.” You are strong, but it always helps to have that partner, friend, advocate, or support group in your corner.

The most incredible part of telling my story is finding out that there are so many of us. Our own family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors who went through or are going through the struggles of infertility. Please know that you are not alone.

-Michelle Schultz